Beshter (beshter) wrote,
Beshter
beshter

  • Mood:

Just a thought and a prayer for me if you would...

Just a thought and prayer from people out there.

This is the first year where I will be alone for my birthday. Not totally, the roomie will be here, but it is the first year without my friends...well, people I considered friends. I am not dealing well with this. I try, I try to pray, and be reasonable, and do all the things that people tell you to do. But I'm failing miserably, and the level of depression surrounding this birthday is much deeper than normal...and it is scaring me a bit.

I am not handling being alone well at all. I keep trying to keep my chin up, to believe things will work out fine, but right now it isn't working. Perhaps in a few weeks, maybe. But the last week has been the worst. It's been a hard year where I've felt abandoned by those I've loved best. And recent weeks have thrown more emotional road blocks at me that I haven't discussed. Therapy is helping, somewhat, but right now it's a rough period.

THere are things to be happy about, the house situation is settled, I found a job, and we'll see where grad school apps lead me this fall. But personally, inside my head, it's not so good. In some ways it is getting a bit worse. Having never been in this spot before, i don't know what to do about it.

And my birthday is coming up. I'm turning thirty-four, everything and one I've ever loved seems to like to shit on me, and I'm a gibbering, depressive mess. I suppose it could be worse, but it doesn't make it feel better now. And damn it, I want to feel better, I'm so tired of feeling like this everyday.
Tags: (emo), birthday
Subscribe

  • Udon...

    One should slurp, munch and swallow their udon. One should not try to breath it into ones lungs, especially when one has put hot sauce in it. Ouch.…

  • Duck!

    So Linda and I found a new Chinese restuarant last night, by 99 Ranch. We were really investigating to see if it served Dim Sum, which it does during…

  • Unholy addiction...

    Anyone who knows me knows I have a thing for cookies. I am also painfully addicted to the Pork and Vegetable Steamed Dumplings from 99 Ranch. Every…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 6 comments