Beshter (beshter) wrote,
Beshter
beshter

  • Mood:

Just a thought and a prayer for me if you would...

Just a thought and prayer from people out there.

This is the first year where I will be alone for my birthday. Not totally, the roomie will be here, but it is the first year without my friends...well, people I considered friends. I am not dealing well with this. I try, I try to pray, and be reasonable, and do all the things that people tell you to do. But I'm failing miserably, and the level of depression surrounding this birthday is much deeper than normal...and it is scaring me a bit.

I am not handling being alone well at all. I keep trying to keep my chin up, to believe things will work out fine, but right now it isn't working. Perhaps in a few weeks, maybe. But the last week has been the worst. It's been a hard year where I've felt abandoned by those I've loved best. And recent weeks have thrown more emotional road blocks at me that I haven't discussed. Therapy is helping, somewhat, but right now it's a rough period.

THere are things to be happy about, the house situation is settled, I found a job, and we'll see where grad school apps lead me this fall. But personally, inside my head, it's not so good. In some ways it is getting a bit worse. Having never been in this spot before, i don't know what to do about it.

And my birthday is coming up. I'm turning thirty-four, everything and one I've ever loved seems to like to shit on me, and I'm a gibbering, depressive mess. I suppose it could be worse, but it doesn't make it feel better now. And damn it, I want to feel better, I'm so tired of feeling like this everyday.
Tags: (emo), birthday
Subscribe

  • So you say you lack self esteem...

    Let's not try to figure out why I have no self-esteem, cause I don't get that either. It bugs the hell out of me that I don't. The therapist said it…

  • I forget what session of Therapy this is...

    When in doubt, blame it all on my mother... Today in personal therapy, I brought up the affair from group therapy last week, and specifically how I…

  • Open Letter Day!

    So group therapy suggested that I do this, and we'll see if this starts in the healing process...otherwise I will feel like an idiot. Dear Killiene-…

  • Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 6 comments