Beshter (beshter) wrote,

  • Mood:

The final blow...

He's in love with someone else, he wants her to move in, and he is getting her to couples' therapy because he wants to be with her.

This is devestating to me beyond the obvious. First, three years ago he asked me to marry him. He dredged out of me my deepest, most secret wish. And then he failed me on it.

This is a slap in the face to that.

Second, I agreed to stay over last week when I knew I shouldn't. It was stupid of me, but I did it. Now I regret it.

Third, I gave everything to him, all of myself, and I mean everything. And it wasn't of value. It was less than nothing. He swears that's not the truth...but that's a little hard to believe at the moment. All I wanted out of him was for him to want me half as much as he wanted these people he throws himself at. And he never did. And I have everything. And now I feel stupid, and humiliated, and lost.

Never again...I've been through this so many times now it's ridiculous. I'm told I am loving, nuturing, caring, have so much to give, obviously someone will want it. No one does. And I'm tired of giving all of myself and it meaning nothing.

So that's it. Ever as always I'm left alone.
Tags: (emo)

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