March 9th, 2007

Me

It's 2 AM and there's SPARTANS on TV!

Ahhh, the real battle of Thermopylae, not this fake drudgery that some comic book artist cooked up and is now getting on screen. Here real Spartans wear hopolite armor. Having been part of Prof. Philips hopolite phalanx in class several weeks ago, I know, it's better to wear armor, then be ripped and half naked!

Hey, it's 70lbs worth of metal protection there!

I'm sooooo hyped on Vanilla Ceylon tea right now, I ain't going to bed soon, perhaps all night at this rate. I have to be up early to try and get to school in time for the grad pics, and since the foot is bum, this takes a bit of extra gimp time. Besides, I have to see Linda off to make sure she gets her meds. Lord, I'll be happ when things are normal around here.

I got the full story of what all was up with all of that. To say I'm sad and rather disappointed is an understatement, and I basically laid down the law on her. I told her how weird I feel doing this, I'm the junior here, I so don't feel like I should be the grown up in this situation. I guess I just took for granted that things like welcoming tweakers into your life is NOT a good thing, no matter how forlorn or nice they seem. I gave her six months, long enough for me to get my financial stuff in order to prove to me she can shape up and earn my trust again as a roommate. She is on probation as it were. I said that she needs to prove to me that she can a) not let anyone outside of Patric and Randy into the house, b) she is not to befriend or take in any more wastrails, hard luck cases, or tweakers who need a new chance at life, and any I see around the hosue will have the cops called on them, c) she is not to be associated with or bring anywhere near this house any paraphanalia that might in any way get herself or myself arrested for illegal substances, d) at the first sign of depression or paranoia she is to see her doctors, she is to talk to her therapist, but she is not to ignore it or let it get to such a point that she gets herself in messes that endanger not only herself but myself. If any of these conditions are not met at any point, I'm leaving, no questions asked. I'm packing my stuff and moving to the boys if I have to. I'll stay in the spare room with the laundry and Randy's weird beer making stuff if it means I don't have to have my shit jacked, my home invaded, and my law-abiding reputation sullied, (well I have to have some part of my reputation that isn't sullied, right? I wouldn't know what drugs were if you waved them in front of my face...save pot, thanks to Sam Silverman I will never forget the smell of pot....ugh.)

If in the time it takes me to get my first really good paying job, (not the pittance I made in Coding), and my affairs in order enough that I feel I can move again, she has made these improvements, I will agree to have her as a roomie. If not, I'm moving out, I'll advertise for another roomie, and hope for the best. This is why I want to wait till I have the financial savings to do it, because I might have to pay full rent by myself for a while before finding someone to live with. Till then I'm keeping an eye on my shit. I can't keep my $500 racing bike on me at all times, but I have my expensive computer, my new Ipod, and my phone on me all the time now, so that I know where they are. Linda has been told that the doors are to remain shut at all times, and that they are to remain locked when neither of us is downstairs. This is another new house rule. If any of these weirdo, asshole neighbors come by here, I will call the police. They are not to be here, and I don't care what wild stories they start up, I don't want them around here. They use fear and blackmail to get Linda to do what they want, and being the non-confrontational person she is, she meekly lets them walk over her. So I'll call the police on their ass. I don't care, they don't have shit on me, as I don't do anything, I don't talk to them, I don't associate with them, and perhaps the worst I've done is drive after having a beer or two.

So that's the new reality at the house. We shall see how this works. It's the last change I'm giving her on this, and in a way it's allowing me time to find what I want and need in a home. Perhaps if she can manage to get her life on track enough, she can come with. But I won't hesitate if she does not. I feel rather odd, as I am not the type to just walk away like that, the few times I've ever done it were situations that were really ones I felt I needed to extricate myself from, not for anything personal or hostile, but because they were bad sitations. This would be one of those few situations if that was the case.

So we will see. I adore Linda, she's family to me, she is. My Dad considers her family, that's a big deal, (though I must point out my father also considers Scott, one of the Jewell gang, and Randy like family, and knowing them both, I can't say I'd really want to be related by blood to either of them. I've got enough weirdos I'm genetically related to). But even my family I've had to show tough love to at various times and occasions, and so I must with her. Hopefully this will get through to her finally, because God knows my passive aggressive condemnation of all this sure as hell didn't.

Blah.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be writing a paper that's due at 11 today. I'm almost done with it, and it's ironically on Cylon of Athens, funny since I'm watching the story of the real 300. I could have actually done this paper on that, since the second prompt was "how did the Greeks beat Xerxes according to Herodotus", but I doubt he'd accept the HIstory Channel as a credible source.

Speaking of which, Java_Fiend, what's your Med Profs name, I think I might have seen her on TV tonight!

I haven't seen any of mine lately, but I'm slightly disgruntled that half a quarter's worth of lecture information was all in one show on the Franks last night. Could have saved me trying to make it through 405 traffic during morning rush hour.

I best go finish the paper, and hope this caffeine high wears off soon so I can get some sleep. Else tomorrow is going to suck.
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graduation

SENIOR PICS ARE DONE!!!!!!

So I sat for my graduation photos today, just cap and gown. I had some in the gown, bachelor hood, (which we don't wear anymore, poopies), and honors cords, then some with all that plus the cap and tassel, and then some with the added blue and gold satin "Class of 2007" sash. I'll get the proofs back on Monday after 3, which will be Tuesday for me.

Hopefully the ginormous BAGS under my eyes are hidden by the glasses, I am BEAT. I pulled another all nighter practically, I got two hours of sleep after finishing my paper at 4:30 AM. Being jittery after drinking four cups of really bad tea, I slept only lightly. But I got up, I took a shower, I blow dried the hair, applied the make-up, woke up the room to send her off to the doctors, and then ran out the door, somewhat dazed and more than a bit sleepy.

I shouldn't be driving, but I don't have much of a choice.

So on my way to work this morning I decided to sing in the car to keep me awake. This was mostly because I was on the 101 in bumper to bumper traffic and had to pee rally badly, so I needed something to distract me. It's amazing when you are sleepy how much more limber your voice is. I forgot how clear and high my upper register is when I am not thinking about it. I really need to learn some other songs other than Phantom of the Opera. Perhaps some Les Mis or Rent or Wicked or something.

One of these days when I'm feeling particularly cracked out I should record my voice for people, my singing voice, and post it. So few people know I can sing, (I had trained at it once in my life), that it shocks them to know I can. And I miss it a lot. Singing in the car is just not the same as singing in a performance. Le sigh.

I think because I'm so loopy, I'm having weird thoughts pop into my head. I realized that there are some of THE stupid arguments and noses out of joint in this world. Really, I've seen the dumbest grudges held, and most of it is based on injured pride, hurt feelings, halves of stories, and and well just plane old bruised egos. And it so isn't productive, and most of it is out and out cowardly as no one confronts each other on the issues, they just blow things to kingdom come, burn bridges, and never look back.

I think of this because, with all the weirdness this week in my own home, I realized that if something were to happen to Linda, I mean really serious, she'd have no one. Well, maybe her sister. This thought made me very sad. So I thought, if something were to happen to me, who would I have? And I realized that I had the boys, who despite all the misunderstandings and issues have stuck by me like glue. And I have my dysfunctional family, who might be more than a bit nuts, but we pull together when we need it. And I have the Jewell gang and my LJ friends, who despite the miles we reach out to one another when it really, really matters.

I think to some of the arguments, squabbles, and falling outs I've seen over the last few years. Collapse )

So anyway, this epiphany is most likely sleep deprivation, believe me I rather like being the shallow person who buries herself in books!

Patric called last night and decided we need to go drinking next weekend, and in doing this, we all need shirts. He wants one that says, "Kiss me, I'm Patric" with a Welsh flag on it, and he wants to get one for Randy that says, "Kiss me, I'm Polish", and one for me that says "Kiss me, I'm a McCloud." I think it's brilliant. It's been a while since we all three went out drinking and having fun, what with my school, Randy's attempts to maim himself and get paid for it, and Patric's attempts to not maim Randy. It should be fun, and I'm looking forward to it.

Green beers all around, and on that note, I'm going to pretend to be busy for the rest of the day at work.
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