September 29th, 2004

me2

I forgot how much I love Vivaldi...

Mmmmm, Summer, good concerto....

Reece! Miss you too, babe. Caron comes out in a month, I might try to make my way down to see you if my car doesn't crap out on me. She wants to know if Phil's has beef ribs? Let's hope old PutPut doesn't decide to choke on me.

God, Jon Stewart should be the Official Mediator of the Presidential Debates!

Had a deep, meaningful discussion with Patric last night, over chai tea and chocolate cake. Borgsouie (sp) Pig, my kind of stupid, cheesy, catering to the 'artistic' psuedo-Bohemian types. Wanted to desperatly get out of the rather blah existence, and drove over to Hollywood way to hang out. The best friend and I had a deep conversation on the choices he's facing, the nature of intellegence, religion, history, the fear of failure, the like. It was nice to have just a 'talk', not a conversation that centers on, "I'm bored, entertain me."

I found a profound difference between myself and the best friend here. Patric has one of the traits I envy most, the ability to throw himself into most social settings and navigate the waters of strange conversations. He doesn't fear rejection like I do,fear that indiffernce shown to you. I'm a rather deeply emotional and easily hurt person, and rejection is my one greatest fear and biggest obstical.

I was shocked to find that while I do fear rejection, I don't fear failure, one thing that worries Patric. What if you take the road less traveled and it turns out to be a dead end? I amazingly never have feared that really. So what, you make decisions every day of your life in the vague hope you make the right decision, you can't ever be sure they are all the right ones. You hope, you pray, and perhaps the right combination will work out. If it's meant to be it will. If not, then you deal with what you get handed in life, that's sort of the way it goes. Perhaps it's a practical view, but at least I'm rarelly disappointed.

Funny how those things work.

So anyway, long and short, he needs to learn not to fear the ideaof falling on his face, and I need to learn to accept the idea tghat people might just not like me, someone out there just might...oh yeah, and don't try to second guess them and drive them away with my walls of distance. LOL

Interesting conversations.

Somehow we also got on the subject of online dating services...probably Pete, he's used one and has hooked it up with a couple of women now through it. He suggests I use one, I think the idea is ludicrous. OK, I admit, my pride things it's idiotic, but I'm sorry, bad things have happened on those ridiculous services. Personally I can't justify spending that amount of money, (of which I don't have), just to go out with because I should. Worse yet, with the likes of some of the folk who seem to have the need to ask me out. But Patric's right, I do need to get out, and this is practically the only way I can do this now at days, (life, that's that thing other normal adults have, right?), but really, the idea of ending up with another loser off line, or worse yet a wack job. Eeeeewwwhhhhh...

I do complain about being lonely a lot, I guess beggers can't be choosers, huh. Wish the roomie was home, the cats just don't keep my company.

My mother has this kooky idea to come and see me sometimes soon. Heaven help us, my redneck, trailer park mother wants to come hang with her wannabe intellectional snotball daughter in Los Angeles. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Forgot how much I like Vivaldi....must go find my CD...
  • Current Music
    Vivald-Concerto for Violin, "Summer"