September 10th, 2003


Grumpy morning and football...

I woke up this morning to find my front tire flat. My bus was supposed to be there in ten minutes. *sigh* I sadly missed that one, but I caught the next one 5 minutes later, powerwalking down the hill eight blocks to the bus. That sucked. I took the bike to the gas station across from school, filled it successfully, but it's still leaking, and I don't know why. Stupid inner tube, I replaced it a week ago. I shall call the bike shop and leave threatening messages, those bitches. So now my transportation looks grim today. *sigh* And I have no more money to fix it till midnight tomorrow. AUUUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

My fanatic hatred of my poor state is almost as stressful as my job and school at this moment. It's just after nine, and already my day has gone to shit. I am GRUMPY!!!!!!!!

OK, so beyond that I was going to do my weekly observations on college football. Mmmmm, football. Rather than discuss however the teams and scores, I wished to discuss the one thing that bothers me about college teams.

Their mascots.

No, I'm not upset by the person dressed in the oversized Tiger suit jumping up and down like a maniac in several pounds of thick polyester blend. Rather, I'm confused by the actual mascots themselves. Have you ever truly thought about some of the teams that come around in college football? Great teams, but their team emblems are a little confusing, laughable at times. It makes you wonder why in the world they picked such strange or ludicrous items to represent the competative nature of their schools.

For example, I was watching the Alabama/Oklahoma game. They were discussing the legendary football programs of both schools, and how Alabama under Bear Bryant really started the storied history of the Crimson Tide. THen they show an elephant on the screen, the teams mascot. Elephant, crimson tide, I'm sure there is a reasonable explination between the two and why they are the 'Bama mascot, but to someone who doesn't go to school there and really doesn't want to do the research, it's a tad bit...well confusing. Why are they the Crimson Tide, is it to emulate the rage that an elephant sometimes feels, thus mowing down the competition? Or is it because of those nasty algae growth that can occasionally happen in the river systems there? Hmmmm, something to ponder on.

THen there is Oklahoma. They are the Sooners, and that makes sense. Oklahoma, the Land Rush, where they white people took all the land ceeded to the Native Americans, moving there in covered wagons, the Sooners. That made sense. But I never knew that Sooners were fiersome to anyone who wasn't indigenous to these lands. I suppose a covered wagon flying at top speeds across the open praire might be a little dangerous, horses hooves hurt, but really, I don't think Sooners and think..."Ooooohhhh, they are fierce." I don't even know what their mascot is. Perhaps it's a little farmer guy, all buff, running around the stadium. He's in contrast to the Cowboy of Oklahoma St., who I can at least respect.

There are many others that I can think of, here are a few, and of course, my list is by no means complete...

Minnesota Gophers: I went to a jr high school once where that was the mascot. My brother's response: "What the hell are they going to do, gnaw you knees off to win?" Why do you want a small, bucktoothed rodent for a mascot. I'd rather have a large, Mexican rodent for a mascot, much more fiersome.

Ohio St. Buckeyes: It took me forever to figure out that the little guys head was a nut and not some sort of actual animal eye. Why I buckeye, why not a walnut or an acorn. Walnuts are so tasty.

Nebraska Cornhuskers: OK, if I'd been husking corn all day, I'd be ready to kick ass as well.

Purdue Boilermakers: Mmmmm.....yeah, just plain old never got that one.

Penn St. Nitny Lions: Sorry, but something about the Nitny makes them sound effeminant.

Virginia Tech Hokies: What IS a Hokie? I'm guessing it's a turkey like animal, perhaps more like a quail?

TCU Horned Frogs: I'm sorry, you can't get college students, beer and football together without coming up with horny frogs. AT A CHRISTIAN SCHOOL NO LESS!!!!! LOL

Wake Forest Demon Deacons: I thought the whole point of being a deacon was that you were above all that infernal shit.

North Carolina Tarheels: I read some reasoning for this once, which didn't make sense. Either it's a term for cowardice, bravery, or a racial slur. Haven't figured out which yet.

Maryland Terrepins: First, you have to figure out that a Terrepin is a turtle. But then turtles are SOOOO cute. Hmmmmm....

THose are just some of the ones I could think of off the top of my head. You may have more, and I welcome them. Really, if you have a mascot, make it a cool one at least. A fiercsome one is all the better, it proves to the other team that you are intent on ripping out their entrails and throwing them over the goal post in celebration. That is what I want to see. This is FOOTBALL, a celebration of male testosterone, I want mascots that symbolize that. Be vicious, be angry! Grrrr!!!

Hmmmm, I want sausage and beer now. Where did those female hormones go again. *looks under desk*
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