July 23rd, 2003


I should never be allowed in this place...

I was supposed to buy pillows...

So last night I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, the one story women should be eternally banned from. I go there, I start thinking about what new dishes I could buy and how badily I need a window valance, and then come away with the perception of my life that is sorely dulled because I lack the house dressings of a sophisticated, mid-20's, single person.

Damn those Pier One commercials.

So I went to the bedding section, specifically looking for pillows. I haven't had new ones in years. The ones I have been using were old ones Marion, my former housemate, had since God knows when. They were gray, despite many washings, lumpy, and gross. So, knowing I had a guest coming to town, I headed down and looked at the many pillows.

Of course, my eye would fall on the most expensive kind first. I couldn't help it, I put my hand in a bin of non-descript pillows and felt...ahhh, down. I love down pillows. They are squishy and fluffy and make me smile. I look at the price. $20 dollars, not bad I think to myself. but I wasn't in the mood to spend $40 on pillows....but I was tempted. So I put that aside as I looked for cheap-ass pillows. I found them, and picked two, but still, I kept going back to that bin with the feather pillows, and picked them up and squished them for a while. Ahhhh. I think I'll get them next week. Bad, bad, bad.

So then, I decided to make a hasty exit while I still could, before the store sucked me in more. So I go straight to the register. I stand behind this really rude woman, but I ignore her while I stare at the wall of prints that are just behind the register. There, that's what I need to brighten my house, prints. I like pictures. There was one of the Brooklyn Bridge in New York I really liked, and a print of "Starry Night". Realizing that they were a little too pricey for me, and considering them still none the less, I turned my attention elsewhere. And then I found the utterly coolest thing I'd seen in a while.

They had cheap ass plastic kitchenware my the register, stuff you could use out at picnics, bright colored stuff that you see people drinking iced tea by a pool in. And with this tacky set of plastic wear came a little bag of reusable ice cubes. IN MATCHING COLORS!!!!! They were little plastic cubes filled with liquid, you stuck in a freezer, and you could use them over and over. I was enthralled. I'd never seen anything like these before. Imagine, I'd never have to worry about ice trays and the like again. No more empty ice bucket, no more running to 7/11 to carry home a freezing plastic bag of frozen water. This was sheer genius.

And then I remembered that I never drink anything that requires ice cubes. Besides, I'm an ice chewer, plastic makes it far to difficult. So, with a resigned sigh, I put the cubes back, and paid for my two pillows.

As I walked out of the store, I was rather proud of the fact I didn't go into the kitchen area and drool all over myself, nor did I buy that nifty hair towel that you can wear like a turban and dries your hair in record time. Rather, I stuck to what I needed, bought it cheap, and kept going. So I made my way to Trader Joes to pick up some incidental groceries before I headed home on my bike feeling rather good about myself.

Well, until I walked into Trader Joe's and tried to justify WHY I needed goat cheese.
  • Current Music
    "Light My Fire" The Doors

Random Tyrel e-mails...

To those of you who don't know, Tyrel is my brother. He's 6'4, red haired like myself, and about as intellegent as a sign post at times. What he's up to now proves it in many ways.

So he sends out a general e-mail reminding everyone he's getting married in three weeks. I nod and smile. I think Dad's going, he's performing the ceremony, but he's the only member of the family going. Jay, angry that Ty didn't show up for his wedding and that Ty's been acting like an asshole for the last year refuses to go. I am not going for similar reasons, on top of the fact that I'd rather go to Ren Fair in Kansas City in September than see my brother make a bigger mess of his life than it already is. But hey, if that's what he wants to do. I was 21 once. I decided to move to California. *shrug*

The thought of that 'm' word has floated through my mind with increasing frequency in the last few years, especially since Ty's fiance practically accused me of being against the institution for myself. Ha. To be honest, well...it's nothing something I hold my breath on. I've never been the type to really consider marriage the be all and end all of my existance, and to plan my life around an even that will likely never happen seems ludicrious to me. That's like planning my life around my death, it will happen someday, but planning to the date, time, and year it will happen, that's a little silly, don't you think. I've had bigger things, like college degrees, to worry about.

But then again, outside of the muck I tend to make my personal life, I've also never really thought many of the men that have wandered past have been what you would call 'marriage matieral'. My father, flush with the many marriages of my sibilings and friends, wonders why it is his oldest child can't seem to get her act together and find a nice young man to settle down with and all that.

Well, besides the fact I'm not 26 yet, (ONE MORE WEEK, DAMN IT), I don't think that would be his main worry about my life. I'd be more worried that I'm a workaholic, anti-social, stressed out, and probably clinically depressed young person than a single young person. But then again, perhaps he thinks the right man in my life will straighten me out.

Well, maybe it will, maybe it won't, the only thing I can count on is me, personally, and me is doing just fine getting her degree and ignoring the angst and woe that seems to inhabit the rest of the world and their relationships. After all, my friends, particularly the high school ones, are not known for their track records with marriages. Perhaps it's best I don't mess with that till I'm good and ready to...and perhaps that's the reason I haven't found the long awaited man that my father hopes will save his daughter from the life of sin, recklessness, and liberal education thinking that he sees me going down. :)

I won't lie, I sit there on the bus, thinking the same girlie thoughts that all my friends think...the single ones anyway. I pass by all the pretty little houses with the nice lawns, and think, "Ahhh, wouldn't it be nice to have a college professor for a husband, and two bratty kids, and toys in my backyard, and my five year old trying to eat roses from the front?" And you know what, I must admit, it would. I kind of look forward to chasing half naked kids around the yard in a desperate attempt to put clothing on them and arguing with my future mate over who gets to do the dishes this time.

But I'm not prepared make a stupid ass decision to get it.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it will work for Ty. But I have a sad, sinking feeling it won't.

I will admit, I'm far from perfect, and I've done far from perfect things. But this is the one thing I desperatly want to get right, just because I've seen to painfully and to intimately how horrible it can go wrong, and I'm tired of that disgusting feeling. Not that it will be perfect when I get it, but I'd rather start on as good a footing as I possibly can.

So perhaps I should lecture my father on the virtue of patience, and tell him to quit holding me up to the candle of my younger siblings. It may turn out someday I was wise in waiting, and whoever I finally do manage to agree to settle down with, hopefully it will be someone he will love, and I can abide. LOL Till then, I'll sit on the bus, and daydream of what a horrible housemaker I'll be and how happily domestic I will become someday.

Shhhh, don't tell anyone!!!!!

As a side note, if anyone does know of available, rich, college professors...wait, they don't exist, do the. DOH! Never mind. *dramatic sigh*
  • Current Music
    Random Pink songs....

You ever been at that point?

It's fifteen minutes till I get off work. I've been here since eight. I'm unbelievably tired, and I still have a full night of studying for my math final tomorrow night. I'm bored out of my skull. Everyone else has gone home, so no one to talk to. So what does one do when they have internet access at work? They surf of course. But what if you have reached the limit of your internet interest. What if...*gasp*...you are bored with the internet?

I'm afraid so.

I've checked CNN.com for the last four hours, hoping for someone dying or something. They did, sadly, the councilman in NY, but then nothing new developed, so I got bored. Then I checked "The Leaky Cauldron" to see if there were any interesting HP stories. There weren't. (But now they are on LJ, and I have them on my friends list, just to annoy you people, mwhahahaha). I even checked the Official Dune website. Not that much happens there, but still I was that bored. (I love Dune, btw, but there isn't a lot of excitment in that corner of the literary universe.) So then I ran through everyone's LJ's again. Nothing. Bored, I went through all my favorites again, hoping against hope one of them would look appealing. Outside of the recipe for making Beef Pastrami at home I snagged off of Food Network.com a couple of months ago, nothing.

I think I'm bored with the internet.

There's not a thing on there I want to see. Nothing interesting I want to go locate, no corner of the information super highway I want to pick at. Perhaps it's just the dull complacency that has settled in the last few depressing months, or maybe I'm just truly that bored.

Sorry guys, porn just doesn't do it for me.

I suppose I could scour the internet looking for LotR cross stitch patterns, but I don't think I'm that desperate yet. And typing up the names of people I know in Google to see what I find just doesn't have the juvenile appeal it once did a year ago.

Oh, the ennui! LOL

I was once an internet junky. But then the internet was a way for me to avoid my responsibilities, aka: classes. Now, despite my boredome with my work and the free access, internet surfing is the equivalent of picking your nose. It's something to do with the time.

So tell me people, is there anything interesting to look at on the web...that's work friendly. Sorry, I doubt my boss would like to see spiked dead babies and lesbian porn on my computer screen. I don't think I want to see that. Has the internet hit the wall just yet, or is there still life in the old gal yet?
  • Current Music
    "Dancing Queen" Abba