A Day in the Life...

Dad's recovering...

I've been incommunicado because of watching Harry Potter and not being at home. Movie was amazing grand, and company is even better.

Must go edit crackfic for the day.

Happy birthday to Frankie darling! *smooches babe* We will always have Lumos and Harry Potter.

I'm wearing a dress today...it's hot, and I wanted to wear something cool.

It's a dress I worried would look like hell on me. Actually, I look kind of cute. This is a good thing I suppose. Watch me wreck it to hell with popcorn at the movies though.

Today I'm going to see Harry Potter...because I need good in my life this week. For those of you who have read the book and know the ending, you'll find the irony in that statement.

I expect to be appropriately scared through most of this, because the last two books did scare the pants off me. And made me cry. OK, not drunken, Southern Comfort, puking in Randy's bathtub, crying over Cedric Diggory cry. But still, the maids in my hotel in Rome why I was so weepy eyes reading the last book, and I could say NOTHING till someone else had finished it. Augh, what agony.

Yes...I cried when the damn owl died. What can I say, I was half-a-world away from home after a hellish six weeks. It got to me.

I hope the ending to this movie is good. The ending to the last seemed anti-climatic compared to the book. And this is an even bigger, more horrible scene than the last. I just felt they didn't give Sirius justice at the end of the last movie, and would like to see things done right this time. We shall see.

Pity that I won't be seeing the movie in Italy like last time, cause they had a bathroom IN the actually theater room, rather in the lobby, which half-way through the movie, I was most grateful for. And you hardly missed a thing! Damn it all, America needs to get on the ball!

Don't have much to say today. Just still blank...

I have crackfic. Crackfic will talk for me today.

In other news still haven't heard from person I needed recommendation from, so it looks like my friends. Oye. Will try to talk to them later this week.

I sure hope I get into Fuller at this rate.

Well Dad's through his surgery, and his leg is nearly completely gone. But he's doing well, they said they got the infection, and he didn't spread as much as they had thought he would. So now he's in recovery.

I'm at least breathing and not freaking nearly as much.

Frankly, I'm a weird jumble of emotions right now, and am feeling all strange. It's hard to describe, I want to cry, I want to be angry over silly things, and I want to sleep. And I'm hoping tomorrow I feel better.

Strange how several things in my life lately are coming to a head, or maybe all the things with Dad are making me focus on it.

If I'm weird for a few days, please forgive me, I don't mean to be.

I'm trying not to totally flip out today with Dad in surgery. Things will go how they go, and I have to sit and be patient. I won't expect to hear anything until later today on the subject.

In the meantime I'm trying to fill out my Fuller app. I keep forgetting it's not a shoe in I'll get in. I need to have a reference from a minister who knows me well. Seeing as I've not been to church regularly in years, that's sticky. So I'll talk to Dawna and Aaron to see if they can help me out. Oye...it's always something when I apply to school.

And even then there's no guarantee I'll get in. But you would think with a 3.78 GPA from UCLA I might.

Anyway, I'll give the person I asked for a reference one more day, and if I hear nothing, I'll call up Donder Kaye and her hubbie and chat with ideas on what to do. Blech.

Otherwise, I have crackfic to edit, more living room o clean, and a kitchen to REALLY clean. But I took a hunk of flesh out of my thumb the other night while making dinner, and it's still bandaged. So I don't know how much dish washing I can manage till that's all better. I didn't realize till last night just how bad it was. I took a nice gobbet of skin out, and it's crinkle shaped too. Lovely.

Not that I usually pay that much attention to basketball or the Clippers to be honest, but I just saw on SportsCenter that there is talk of Allen Iverson coming to the LA Clippers. Gah! One of the banes of my childhood. Well, there were several. He was just one of a clutch of bullies. Not that I plan on running into the guy in a city as large as LA, but it just reminded me of that. Wow, was I a wimpy child. I hate confrontation, what can I say, I like the middle of the road.

Anyway....off to do something with myself other than fret and worry.

So Dad's infection isn't getting better, so they will indeed have to take his leg. I don't know how far up, but it will have to go. Anyway, in a way it's a relief to me, as it will have a chance of prolonging his life.

I'm not saying he's out of the woods yet. He's got all sorts of complications still thanks to his diabetes. But it's a step in the right direction. He seems to know what is going on, sort of, though he doesn't always remember from time to time in his drugged up state, so we will see. But yeah....

His surgery is at 1 PM CST tomorrow, so if you all could just send a thought, say a prayer, or whatever for him to be OK, that would be great.

IF he pulls through this, I think I'll go and visit after all, after my birthday. I can get a cheaper ticket, and will spend some time out there before I go to Fuller.

We will see how things go from there....

Crackfic was invading my dreams....it was disturbing. I think it was my brains effort to try and work out my writing life and my real life, and mixing them all sorts of the hell up. I am glad I'm awake.

Now I am...to my day. Dad is still in a holding pattern. It's easy for me 1000 miles away and not a doctor to say, "Take the damn leg off and be done with it," but medical science doesn't work like that. So I'm trying not to work myself up into a tizzy and keep busy. What will happen will happen. TIll then I have a living room to clean, crackfic to write, and I have to start my application for fuller.

The one down side on the application for Fuller is that I need a letter of rec from my minister...which is my Dad. Augh! If that doesn't work out for one reason or the other, I'm fairly certain Jay is ordained, (yes, I know I keep up on these things), and if it comes down to it, I might talk to Aaron and Dawna and see if I can get their help. Cause it wasn't exactly planned for Dad. So yeah....no matter what happens, I will go, and he'd want me to go.

Which means I also have to fill out my financial aid information and my FAFSA, and start shopping around for decent student loans. Blargh....wonder if my bank, Chase, will help me. Doubtful, but since I'm good with all of mine now, we will see. IF not, I checked out a Wells Fargo one that wasn't bad. We shall see.

I also need to clean my living room. That will be worked on today. And maybe hand the pictures in my bedroom.

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Off to cereal and stuff on the 'puter for a bit, then some cleaning. Harry Potter opens tomorrow at midnight. Eeeeppppp.....with all the stuff going on with Dad, I'll be a mess at the end though. Oye.....

It's lemming time, I want to try the meme where I start typing with my eyes closed and see how I do.

(starting here)

Because, in reality, I tend to type while looking at other things. So I often make mistakes that astound me when going back and editing my own crackfic, suck as words that are horribly misspelled in ways I didn't think humanly possible. But then, what can you expect from someone who likes to watch TV and type at the same time? I'm surprised I'm typing English at all. I really develped the habit in college, because I had to be able to type my notes quickly while staring at whatever was on the screen in front of the class, whether it was a map, or slides, or whatever. It sort of helps you learn how to type without looking.

(ends here)

Not so bad, I ganked "developed" a bit there, mostly because I couldn't see to correct it. I'm sure I misspelled something along the way. It's very odd, though, because when you are thinking about doing it, you are suddenly very self conscious, and keep thinking, "Dear God, don't mess up, don't mess up!" And since I type without looking often, it would sort of wound my pride.

Eeeshhh...

I just called Karen, the step-mother to get the latest on Dad. She's so frazzled, God help her, between Dad, and one of my nieces, (her only natural grandchild), is in the hospital too, Serena. Eeeeesssshhhh...they haven't told Dad about Serena yet, they are waiting on that one till he's better.

Anyway, so Dad's still on the ventilator, but he's fighting it, which is a good thing. For those who don't know my Dad, he's a big guy, but a very powerful one, and he, like myself, has a fear of being strapped down. This stems from an incident when when he had an nasty head injury in college, and had to go to the hospital, (and he nearly took someone's head off without knowing it). So I can only imagine how well him being strapped down to keep the ventilator in is going with him right now. But if he's fighting the ventilator, it means he's got fight in him, which says a lot about how he's feeling.

They are getting an infectious disease person in today to look at his leg, which they are still trying to save, as Dad still has a slight fever. Karen says that once they see his vitals stable and they've talked to the Infections Disease person, (or the other Dr. Gita as I want to call them), then they will make further decisions about Dad's leg. Frankly it looks pretty good they will take it, I don't know how much. But Karen and I both agreed I'd rather they took his leg and let me keep my Daddy than anything else.

And Dad sort of agreed. Karen said if it came down to it while he was out, she would have them take it, and I don't think any of us kids are objecting over loud. It will be sad, as Dad had some handsome legs...kilt worthy legs. He was a big guy, but he carried all of it in his chest and stomach, always had handsome legs till his diabetes got bad and he had his accident last year. It was Dad's one vanity in life, but I think he'll be all right without it.

We just have to get to this point. We aren't far away from where we were yesterday really, but we are a bit further away. As Karen said, we are at least 1000 yds away, which is something. I told her of course to call me the minute they think I need to fly out there, I will hop a plane if I need to beg, borrow, or steal the money, and will fly out there as soon as I can.

Thanks so much for the good thoughts, vibes, and well wishes, they mean a lot to my family. I know between my brothers and I we've got a whole group of people sending out prayers and well wishes and it's very, very cool that you all care so much to do that. Thanks.

Will update more as I hear. Till then, more fanfic...and maybe Kings

So my step-mother just called to tell me that Dad took a turn for the worse this afternoon, his vitals kept dropping and he stopped breathing at one point. They have him on a ventilator, and are trying to get him stable enough to do the operation to take his leg.

To say I'm terrified is an understatement, but I did ask if I should head home, and got a no from the family. They said they would keep me posted.

So it's back to pie and fanfic. It at least keeps my mind preoccupied for the moment. Cause there isn't a lot I can do about it but pray and hope for the best.

Well despite all the angst at the moment, it is my brother Ty's 27th birthday. Happy birthday to the raging asshole who pisses me the fuck off. He may be a jerk, but he's my brother and I do love him and I adore his wife and kids. And someday, my brother will learn to be a little less of a raging asshole. Just not today, cause I think he's busy grilling my father's doctors.

Dad is stable, that's all I know. He's not out of the woods, but he's at least doing OK for the moment. Still worried, but I know till I can talk to Dad I will be worried. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and concern, it is appreciated and it has been passed on to the family. They appreciate it too.

Off to write fanfic, because it needs out...and I might hit up some Steve stuff too, for wytchcroft.

I know, you would think I would stop with the shit storm on my life already....

Today while at Fuller, my brother and step-mother called, letting me know that the small infection my Dad had earlier in the week never got better, it got worse, and that they had to amputate his leg today to remove the infection before it spread.

Great way to visit a Theological Seminary....

Anyway, last I heard, Dad's out of surgery, they won't know for a few days if it worked to quell the infection. My brother David is terrified right now, and I've yet to speak to Karen, and I can't imagine I'd speak to Dad for a few days. Frankly, I'd rather talk to him, because filtering through my 18-year-old, hysterical baby brother means I have to sort of layer down the alert level. It's hard to tell how bad a situation really is till I've spoken to Dad, Karen, or Ty who is the medically knowledgeable one in the family. Anyway, that's the scoop.

Have a father with diabetes, the possibility of an amputation was always there. That doesn't bother me. The infection scares the shit out of me. It came on suddenly, with no explanation, and they couldn't kill it. And it frightens me to think of it happening again.

Which reminds me that every moment with my Dad is precious, because I may not get very many more with him. And I worship the ground he walks, rolls, has children push him upon. So it's a bit rough for me to think about. But I'm trying to keep it together a bit, because my siblings are fairly frightened at the moment, and being frightened doesn't take care of things.

Hopefully this takes care of it, and in a few days Dad will feel good enough to chat. Because I need to discuss Seminary with him anyway. Fuller was great, and I enjoyed my visit today. I'm still a tad hesitant, because frankly I don't care about ministry or reaching out to the church of today. I care about theology...that's it. But it does get me some essential tools if I want to get my PhD in History...namely Greek and Hebrew, and it leads me down the specialization I want. So there is that. It will be pricey, but nothing that student loans and a part time job couldn't cover. Been there, done that.

It's just a lot to think about...and on top of Dad too...

Deep breaths, eeeppp......

OK, so lots, lots, lots of prayers please. Dad needs them. Me...I need a very stiff drink and perhaps a nap, and some fanfiction to get out the stress....

I've had nasty writers block for the last week. Most of it concerning this crackfic I've been trying to write.

It was tough as it was emotionally draining. And everything I wrote came out either too angry, or too flippant, or too hesitant, or...aurgh. So to get inspired, I watched Return to Me.

What...cause it has David Duchovny in it...being all sensitive...in jeans...and at parts in Rome! And it has Carol O'Connor and Robert Loggia in it being effing awesome. So what's not to like in that movie.

Hell, even the gorilla was cute. And the little nun in Rome was cute. And I recognized the restaurant in the background as being the first one I ate at by myself in Rome, right by the Pantheon. That was exciting. It was a lot for my heart to take watching that movie, let me tell you.

But it certainly helped the writers block. Now it's done, and can do some Steve stuff tomorrow and over the weekend, and continue with Season Two of crackfic writing. I shouldn't hit another rough patch there till the mid-season angst fest story arc. Season two had a lot of those for some reason. Anyway, I'll do that when I get back from Fuller, where they will tell me why I should be a Theology major there.

I just want to be able to say that in a family with three ordained ministers in it, I'm the only one who has a Theology Degree....*snork* Mwahahahaha.

I'll keep my swearing to a down low. Any of you who know me personally know how hard that is for me to do, because sometimes I swear that Jesus had a middle name, and it started with an F. Best not to drop that at a Seminary.

Well...perhaps if I stub my toe....

Off to bed now, an early start in the morning.

Without question...

Let's see, first it was the Princess and Keith on Volton. What?! I was seven, and I knew they had a thing going on! Oh, and Rick and Lisa on Robotech, I dug that one.

Then I think it was Tad and Dixie on All My Children.

Josh and Donna on West Wing were the great couple I wanted to see out of that show. I loved CJ and Danny on there of course, and Andi and Toby, and Zoe and Charlie, and ok, perhaps I wanted to see a little of Sam and Ainsley there, cause they were cute, but I don't think I hated a couple on that show, save Josh and Amy together. Perhaps Josh and Mandy, cause Mandy sucked....

I kinda dug on The Doctor and Rose too...sorry time_converges, I can't help myself.

But my favorite, my all time favorite of any tv show, which is a surprise to no one, was always and will always be Mulder and Scully. Scorn if you will, but I think that was half the fun of watching the show for me....well...that and the squealing like a girl with my friends. It's amazing I still have circulation in my hands anymore.

While my roomie likes to wallow in sorrow and despair, (guess what she's doing now), when life hands me lemons, I make lemonade...with vodka.

In other words I'm cleaning. I managed to unpack the boxes of binders I have, most of which is game stuff that belongs to Patric that somehow ended up with me and stayed there. Not that I plan to play Shadowrun. That went in the shelves in my closet, since I ran out of bookshelf space, (thank god for new Iphone, can download books now). I discovered I have more stuffed animals than any nearly-32-year-old-woman should ever admit to owning.

I refuse to part with Cookie Monster!

And, joy of joys, I found my flute! My flute is special to me. It's a Geminhardht, old as crap flute, most likely well over forty years old now. It belonged to my Aunt Carmel, who played it in high school, and I took it when I wanted to learn. It served me through junior high, high school, and college, and I haven't played it much since. But it goes wherever I go, and someday I hope to have a little one who will want to play it. Boy, girl, I don't care, the best flutist in the world I ever saw was James Gallway, so you can be a boy and play it.

Over the years I've toyed with getting a new one, and if I seriously took it back up again, (which is doubtful, I'd take voice lessons again first), I'd buy a newer one, most likely a Yamaha. This one needs a lot of work done, a new finish, new pads, new springs, and a lube job. But she still plays. And I still remember how to play her.

God, I miss being a music major.....

I forgot my own mother's birthday. It was the 30th.

I never forget my immediate families birthdays. I may not know the nieces and nephews, but the sibs and parents I have down cold. And for whatever reason, perhaps all the worry in my life, I just let it slip my mind.

I'm going to daughter hell now.

The funnier part is I wonder if Mom forgot herself.

In my family it very, very hard to forget a birthday. For the most part we are all clumped together. From June 30th to August 15th we have five birthdays, one ever two to three weeks. In fact David and Ty are less than a week apart in birthdays. By end of summer, when school started again, I was so sick of birthday cake...

Even if I had been born on my expected due date, (sometime in mid-late October), there still would have been four birthdays in that same period of time. The other siblings were all full term babies. I suppose it did get cold in those Virginia and Missouri winters, and my parents had nothing better to do than go cuddle under the blankets and produce my thoroughly irritating, ignorant brothers. Well...ok, David isn't ignorant, Jay and Ty I could cheerfully wallop with a giant, frozen herring.

I had to laugh last night, I was watching After the Catch, the companion piece to Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel, (for those unfamiliar with either show, it's a reality series about crab fishing in Alaska.) One of the boats, the Cornelia Marie, had a pair of deckhands who are brothers, and who are the sons of the captain. I don't know how he puts up with the two, always bickering and fighting. Oye. Certainly reminds me of my siblings and I.

We love each other, we do. But my brothers never have learned the art of tact, and do not like to be told no or that they are wrong. And while I myself have that same nasty tendency, for whatever reason I've had to learn to temper mine over the years, while they have not. And it leads to some nasty, nasty spats. And thus I prefer to live far away from them, rather than being belittled and cut down because they are angry with me.

It's just better for all involved I suppose.

Anyway, I am going to hell for forgetting my mother's birthday. She seems to be forgiving though. LOL Cause sure as hell, I'd not let anyone forget mine, I get put out when my parents don't call me! Which has happened. The year I turned 30, I was so upset that neither of my parents called. My mother at least had a good excuse, she didn't know I was home from Rome yet, (I got back the day before). My father just forgot. He remembered my step-sister, who shares my same birthday, but forgot me. Yeah, he was not on my happy list that year. But he's Daddy, and I'm pretty quick to forgive him.

That was a good birthday come to think of it. Hollywood Bowl, blueberry pie, and being happy. Or perhaps it was just the jet lag from a 19-hour-flight from Europe. Who knows.

Today I need to be more productive than the last couple. I think I might attack my bedroom. Then I will walk to the store, as I'm out of olive oil, and need some other essentials. I also need to finish X-files crackfic that has not been wanting to be written for the last week. And I promised wytchcroft some more of Steve the Fallen. So we will see. But the growing collection of still unpacked boxes at the foot of my bed have got to go.

Also...have to paint my nails. I'm going to Fuller Seminary tomorrow for a campus visit, and want to look professional and not, "unemployed and bored". Want them to take me seriously as a person who wants to be an academic. OK, really I just want to be a professional, raging, history geek. I suppose that's what academia is about anyway.

Ramble, ramble, off to attack the boxes full of binders now.

OK, so some have mumbled about reading something original of mine. This blip is actually all that managed to survive my Nanowrimo and Maynowrimo projects. It is the fall of Steve. For those who are unfamiliar with Steve Gardner, he is, (will be), a detective in 1939 Los Angeles, one of the Fallen, the angels bound to Earth for their crimes of hubris against the will of the One (God). Not all are evil, but all are unique. Steve's fall is actually not typical of the Fallen, but it does tend to color who he is and his outlook on life, the One, and humanity. After a few thousand years, he's a bit of a more cynical sort of guy!

But anyway, this is Steve's fall if you want to take a look. It's not perfect by any means, but it sort of shows you the direction I'm going with this.

My sin wasn't that I loved, it was that I loved too well...

So I'm going to Fuller Seminary on Friday to do a campus visit event. I'll see how this goes.

Frankly, I'm not terrified by the idea of Seminary. For starters, I'm a ministers daughter, thus had Bible stories read to me like fairy tales as a kid, (insert joke here for atheist and pagan friends, LOL). Besides, I went through the UCLA History program, one of the toughest, academic history programs in the US, (not the toughest, but right up there), and graduated near the top of my class. I'm not worried by the academic side of getting a Masters in Theology at Fuller.

I'm terrified at how I'm going to pay for it.

The economy sucks so bad in terms of jobs right now, I can't even begin to tell you. There is nothing, else I would be interviewing instead of writing. But that is what it is. I can hold out a few months more on what I have, and be OK. But school....eeessshhh...I'm already up to my eyeballs in debt between the three years I spent at William Jewell, the two at UCLA, and now this? At least i paid for PCC all out of pocket, so there is no expense there. I probably could have paid Fuller out of pocket too, it's not expensive, but then I lost the job.

But then not having a job also frees me up to really apply myself there at things I know are hard for me and which had made me hesitate up to this point. Namely the linguistics aspect, because I have to take Greek and Hebrew. Oye....I knew they had to come sometime if I wanted to get the PhD, but with no job I have more time to focus on it. Which is good.

But then how do I pay for rent, car, gas, etc....quandaries, quandaries.

I know I can at least find some part time employment. I have been trying to think of creative ways to exercise that history noodle of mine. Not many people look for tutoring in history. Frankly I know people who'd rather fail than apply themselves to the subject. Suck strange people, really, it's not that hard.

Anyway, lots to think about.

In the meantime, I'm editing a blip I had for my Fallen story that I have yet to get inspired to return to, and it will be going up on Steve's LJ today. I'll post links to anyone interested in reading it. Please do, as it is my first, totally ORIGINAL stuff, not crackfic. I can't assure it is any good, as it isn't really finished, but you can at least see the fall of Steve....(who doesn't have an angelic name really, he doesn't remember it anymore). He likes Steve though. And in a Christian sense I find it most ironic, but that's only because I know Steve's story.

I'm wandering...must be the pain meds, I'm sort of whimpering in bed again today. Hopefully by afternoon I feel better again.

Happy 18th birthday to my baby brother David, who is finally, scarily enough, an adult.

It's terrifying to think about. Especially given that he was born the summer before I started high school. I remember when he was just a little thing. He stopped being little long ago. Now he can run around doing whatever he wished save drink and rent a car. Oye....

Well if I get his number from my mother, and if he takes my call, I will wish him a happy birthday. Mom says she can't believe he's that old, but then she can't believe I'm as old as I am either. Personally I forget I'm not in my 20's anymore. I suppose it will occur to me I'm in my 30's about the time the 40's are looking me hard in the face.

I suppose that's actually a good thing though.

Well, my birthday isn't for another three weeks, and so I don't have to worry about it. But it is odd to me the little boy I used to sing to sleep with "Once Upon A Dream" from Sleeping Beauty, and who would cry every time I left for college and say, "Sissy, stay and play with me!" is now the same age I was when I was leaving for college.

Oye...I think I'll go have a good cry now. *sniff* I sure hope he knows what he's doing with this moving out business. He'll be fine, I guess, but one can't help but worry.

To katieowrites, my favorite Wolverine outside of Logan...cause she attends Michigan.

Bad joke, I know, happy birthday and hope you are doing something wonderful involving shopping and good books, or perhaps a Tigers game.

*wanders off humming Michigan fight song*